Unforgotten, Newtown.

I don't easily forgot some life things.  I remember when I found out my first boyfriend passed away when we both would have been in our 20s.  I remember when a family member rolled their eyes at me when I was ten years old and how the message sent with their eye roll made me feel.  I remember my favorite teacher, Mr. Sparkman, and how each and every day in his class I felt valued and cared for.  I remember how cool Lil O smelled the day she was born - strange, I know.

When 60 minutes a few weeks ago interviewed several of the families from the Newtown, CT shooting, I knew I wanted to watch the segments to help me process that event.  I am the slowest processor in the world.  It takes me sometimes years to make sense out of things.  Plus, you know how much I adore Lil O and my amazing colleges students.  How does life continue after such tragedy? A question that was actually asked of the families in the interviews below.

There are so many take-aways from watching both the segments 60 minutes aired for Part I and Part II.

Again, being the slowest processor in the world means new take-aways will come to me hours, days, weeks and years later from this blog post.

Quote credit

Four take-aways immediately resonate with me.....

You are not alone.

In the US, there is often-times a negative stigma attached with getting mental health help.  I think that is why I openly talk about my life coaching with Sue.  I want whomever is reading this post (or older posts) to know, you are not alone for even a minute.  There are trained people in the world who can help get life in order, make sense of ugly things, and provide much needed life support.  Every community in the US offers free and paid for mental health help.  We just need to help each other connect with those services without judgment.

It really takes a village.

Asking for help from others is not a sign of weakness, but a sign you understand this cliche and you understand that, "Many hands make light work."  There is such strength in numbers and I wish more collaboration, not less, would take place in our communities.  It is not me, mine, or my family's.  But, instead we and ours & us collectively.

Look in a mirror.  Make change.

One of the dads, who lost a child in the Newtown shootings, eloquently said in the 60 minute segment (Part I, I believe), "Look in mirror and say to yourself, this will never happen to me. If you think for even the slightest shadow of a doubt that it [the shooting] could happen to you or your school or your community, what will you do to change your home, school, community or country now?"  I don't think there is a human on earth who could look in the mirror and know with certainty they, their families, their communities, or their country is 100% out of harm's way.  The latest incident in Boston attests to this uncertainty.  Sadly.

Evolve.

There is another quote, from a different dad from the Part II segment,  that speaks to me "....we [victims of Newtown] use tragedy to evolve society."  I am forever looking for what lessons a tragedy or life's events can teach me.  Thankfully, when I can't find them, Sue or friends & family help.  For me, personally, Newtown immediately changed my energy level with Lil O.  When I am tired and cranky, do not feel like playing and Lil O obviously wants to play, I find myself thinking, "A parent from Newtown would give anything to be in my shoes right now.  I get to be with my daughter.  I get to enjoy her company."  Just that small mind shift reminds me how grateful I am to have Lil O in my life and I immediately embrace the opportunity to interact with her. 

Life is never perfect.  Which is a good thing as I said good-bye to perfect in the fall.  My goal now is to learn, evolve, embrace and hold hands to make that moment better than it was seconds before.

Jen

PS - If I can point you to Sue or another person (or service) in your community to help you make sense of the world, please email me.  I'd love to help.  Find me at jen at upcyclededucation.com

Gun {Common} Sense, Domestic Terrorism, What?

Such power in this image and text from Moms Demand Action.

Oh, World, what is going on with you?

There is no perfect solution to gun policy or domestic terrorism in the US.  Since I said good bye to perfect in September, I'm happy to let perfect policy fall to the wayside.

All of this new vocabulary and incidents are complex and multifaceted.  One change isn't going to solve the woes of society.  But, one change (or two, three, four, or one hundred changes) will get us closer to a normal we can all live with and feel relatively safe experiencing.

Come on, World, let's pull this together......

Jen

PS - Here's what it looks like when moms ban together.  Loving, caring, thoughtful, amazing, forward-thinking moms.  ...I think I just described the moms I admire most....

What helps me live with Newtown, CT

This has been a tough few days.  I'm not going to lie.  I've put on my happy game face for my family and Lil O, but the shooting in Newtown weighs a bit on my soul.  I find myself hugging and kissing Lil O more, sharing more I love yous with my family, using lessons learned from my coaching sessions with Sue, and smiling more at neighbors and strangers. 

I really believe if our communities and the people in them were more connected like I describe in my blog post here, we would experience less violence and acts of terror.   Thus, I have stepped up my connection with others. It is why I teach, after all.  Why not connect, not only with my students, but with the world, yes?  Maybe that's why I like to blog, too.  Connections.

I also have found a few things that help alter my perspective.  Did you see this quote from Mr. Rogers?    

I am a spiritual person, but not religious, however, there is something very soothing about this image and text.  My favorite part is, "I have so much to show you...."  I think of all the beauty in the world.

I saw this video on Design Mom's blog.  I love it.  It is uplifting and clever....students are so incredible.

And these three beings.  They help me. They remind me how precious and amazing life is.

Thinking of you, Upcyclists.  If there is something that is helping you and you are willing to share, please leave a comment below.

Connecting,

Jen

My Thoughts on the Connecticut Shooting

My heart.  Oh, my heavy heart.

This weekend has been absolutely bittersweet.  Sweet because of spending so much time with family and Mr. UpCyclist returning from a trip to Finland and Sweden.  Bitter because of the school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut.  So many lovely, innocent lives and families changed forever.

I've had just a few days to process the act of the shooter.  My thoughts continue to swirl in my head.  As an educator, I've had many family and friends ask my opinion on the topic.  Is it a school problem?  Gun control issue?  Mental healthcare concern?   Community challenge?  What?

Though, I believe it is all of those things, I believe the real answer lies in a blog post I wrote almost a year ago.  Assets.  Our humans, our citizens, our adults and our kids need more developmental assets. Period.  The more you have, according to the Search Institute research, the more likely you will avoid high-risk behaviors like violence and suicide.  What I notice about the majority of the assets is they are related to connection - connection with others, connection with school, connection with activities, connection with spirituality, connection. I believe the shooter possessed very few, if any, assets.  Very few, if any, connections.

Don't believe me?  Look at the asset list for the highest age group - 12-18 year olds.  Do you think the shooter possessed more than five of those?  Five out of forty?  Come on.  That's a human whose soul is starved, lost and unvalued.

While the FBI works on its profile for a shooter - be it a school shooter, theater, mall, post office, whatever shooter, I think I know what the profile is.  A human with few, if any, assets.

We can't change history, but we can learn from it and influence the future.  One asset.  One connection at a time.

Download the assets lists here and figure out how you can contribute to the assets of others.  I realize there is no "adult" asset list, but I think the age 12-18 year old list could be modified to fit the adult age range.  If you haven't read my initial post on the developmental assets, read that, too, to understand them here.  If you are still stuck what to do, try following this blog post about emotional bank accounts.  That's an easy one you can do on a daily basis with every single person you come into contact with - man, woman and child.

Be safe, Upcyclists.  Give your families a hug, kiss and cuddle from me.

With a heavy heart,

Jen

PS - I know the question will come up, what about humans who can't embrace the assets?  What about those who just cannot connect?  I think this article and blog post from a mom of a mentally ill child speaks to the need for increased mental healthcare and support in the US.  For those humans who just cannot connect, we will need to implore more.   And if you do read her post, I found the comments others left fascinating and thought-provoking.